In this session of SALTY BROOKS, I hosted Kemi Oyesola.
Known as your BLAST IT AWAY! Coach and host of her own radio show – ‘How2Think2Win with CoachKemi.’ she has the amazing capacity to nail down very precisely the thinking patterns that stand in your way.
With over 15 years’ experience of working with females in business and other spaces, it is her passion to make you aware of your thoughts that either propel you or hinder you. She understands you in ways others don’t and help you to see from a better and greater perspective so that you identify the self-sabotaging thoughts that have kept you stuck and then lead you to think differently so that you can move intentionally and purposefully towards your desired goals.
Why did Coach Kemi step onto this path? Well, it’s all tied in her story….
I am the third of 4 children and the first girl after 2 boys. I do not remember much of my childhood under 8 years of age but I remember I was very talkative. I always had it written in red : ‘Kemi is talkative.’ My parents did not like it.
I grew up in United Kingdom, Nigeria and the United States. I always thought and still think I am ‘weird-different.’ Wondered why but I have accepted it. I grew up a tomboy as I had 2 boys as senior brothers. With hindsight, that was the plan of God.
That meant I did things girls would usually NOT do but I didn’t find that surprising. I had to learn how to act like a girl. I am still learning.
I got born again when I was 14 years old. I will be 52 this year. And no, I am not old. I loved my life…sometimes. I felt different and so got into a lot of trouble. I wondered why others thought different from me. I did wonder why others thought differently from me and concluded I was ‘wrong.’
I got into a whole lot of trouble because I would not keep my mouth shut. I was so convinced of whatever I thought and would say it even if I got disciplined after. My mum disciplined us a lot more than my Dad did. I see it was for my own good. I am reaping the rewards.
I was really very close to my dad. We talked about almost everything. My mum was really very active while my Dad was just sweet and quiet. I was like my mum in activity and like my dad in emotions. I really felt that my dad ‘got’ me – you know, understood me. Not my mum. We fought a lot. My immaturity.
I kept saying to myself I that will never be like my mum. Guess what? I was just like her. My husband told me that once. It was a wake up call. Change had to happen fast. My mum wasn’t bad. She was just overbearingly tough. My siblings and I didn’t like it at all.
This changed after I repented and made peace with her. But by then my marriage was falling apart. I married without my parents’ consent nor their blessings. Wroooong move!
I worked at my marriage like it was oxygen. I spent time, tears, words, prayers and chatting to who would listen. Nothing! By the time it was over we had 2 children – a girl and boy in their first teen year.
I didn’t see what was about to explode in my face after I ended my marriage because I ended it. It was a choice for me between my salvation and my marriage. That was a no brainer for me. I had been married 16 and half years and I was a stay-at-home mum. This was going to be a journey with my eyes closed because this was actually the beginning of my life.
You see, I was brought up in a very stable home and environment and deeply loved by my parents. We knew no trouble. I only heard testimonies and stories of others in trouble. And I marvelled at how they got through to the other side.
I went to university without and hitches. I was alright. As I write that it really sounds funny. What is alright? Unknown to me, it was all preparation for now. So, after I separated from my husband, I sat down and thought of what next.
The future – my future was not bleak, no. It was blank. What was happening was not in the script? And so I didn’t know the next line of the play which was my life. So, I started seeking for help, not in the church but counsellors. Didn’t even know how that worked.
I remember searching the Internet for one, spoke to her and felt, oh dear, I am more alive than she is. So left that. So I found coaching during my search for help. I didn’t know what it was, but attended the free informal session. I enrolled immediately for the 9-month course to certify as a gold coach and NLP Practitioner.
I have left something pertinent out. After my husband left, I asked God, “What happened? My marriage was not supposed to fail.”God answered me. He said, “It’s because of the way you think.” That wasn’t a cool answer. After a short dialogue I started searching the Bible and commentaries.
What did Bible commentaries and other Bible resources have to say about thinking? After all, we were not taught to think at church. Or were we…?
I found it: Proverbs 23:7. It says, “For as a man thinks in his heart so is he.” That floored me. It was like I had never ever read the Bible before. Like I did not know what think meant. And so my journey into a blank future gradually and steadily became a very colourful journey. More colour than I felt I could handle.
It has been the toughest and most difficult years of my life. I learnt lessons I did not know I hadn’t learnt. And so in the midst of it I started the How2Think Consulting Group. I knew I had been sent to teach people How2Think. I knew.
Everywhere I looked I could see people being what they had thought, but they didn’t know it. So, if they missed it it was because they were thinking or had thought wrong. This was easy. Why didn’t everyone see this? But because I wasn’t business savvy I had many many hits and misses. What was even worse was that I did not know the value of what I had been sent to do. So I struggled along and got into debt. I had days and days of no food in the fridge and no money to catch a bus to go out.
I sold my car because I couldn’t afford to keep it. My thinking was so stinking it beggared belief. I would stay in bed because I didn’t know what else to do to make money. I couldn’t feed my family. My thinking was really toxic. But all this time I was being taught How2Think.
I wouldn’t stop. Any time I gave up I would wake up and start all over again. After all, if I was to teach How2Think I had to know How2Think.
Let me leave this with you: whatever it is you are pursuing in business and life, do a CYT on yourself. CYT -a short course I developed means Catch Yourself Thinking. Stop. Examine your thoughts. Find out what you are doing and why. Think about what you are thinking.