In this session of SALTY BROOKS, I hosted Adenike Adedokun.
Getting exposed to sexual lusts and materials with attempts of rape was devastating to her mind and soul. Friends forcing her into lesbianism and other vices wasn’t funny too. She went from various addictions till she had to overcome her mind and gain mastery of herself.
Nike is interested in helping youths understand purpose, eliminate unhealthy relationship patterns, deal with emotional baggage and live sexually sane.
She is a Relationship and Sexuality Coach and a Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming and Results Coach. She helps people build healthy relationships, emotionally balanced minds and sexually purified lives through training, strategies and consultancy.
She is a passionate writer, author, speaker and columnist who teaches on relationship, real life issues and as well, professionally anchor programmes.
She is the author of three books Relationship Guardrails for Him and Her and The Journey To A Masturbation Free Life and Ants and Flies Flow: How Attraction Starts.
She has written for some of the finest magazines and websites like Edification, UzTalks, Crentz, Femme Lounge, RomanceMeetsLife, Septin et al. She has been featured as a guest on television and radio stations like WeFM Nigeria, Core TV News, Cool FM, and Radio Nigeria.
Nike is the curator of #SinglesDate, a monthly Twitter hangout that has hosted national and international personalities. She is also the convener of The Mind Shift Network, a continuous movement for building a revolutionary generation. Her vision is to help singles chase purpose, reposition themselves and live a sexually sane life.
In this session, Nike shares her story. Read on.
Growing up, I never really had the care and attention I should get because my parent had to hustle and struggle for our survival.
They tried their best but somehow, as the first child, my emotional stability was at stake.
My mother was a strict disciplinarian so I was mostly always beaten everyday for little or mild offences.
I used to think she wasn’t my mother as I wondered how she enjoys punishing the hell out of me.
I never knew she was using all the knowledge she had to train her child. Inflicting her aggressions on me.That’s a pattern.
I was faced with criticism, aggression, and punishments. All these made me suffer low self esteem.
My mother also trained us to always be calm and never fight back so I never learnt how to express myself.
I never really enjoyed much luxury but it wasn’t really noticeable as my mum always tried to make us look good.
I had few friends who were more comfortable and I didn’t fit their status but most especially, I wasn’t even their kind in terms of boldness and their “spicy-naughty-crazy-exposed” kind of life.
I dropped out of secondary school 3 times to keep my brothers in school. Life was hard, so I thought.
I never felt loved because I hardly heard words of compliment so I began my search for validation.
I thought I was ugly, weak, not lovable and the likes so I kept trying to impress people.
My chain of relationships weren’t healthy either and they kept taking me for granted. All for the search of love.
I showed more love and care with my time, emotions, little money and attention.
I had different heartbreaks ( though mostly broken by me after several attempt to build it and make it work).
Their nonchalant attitudes kept weakening me. I never saw the definition of love in them as I truly needed.
I always saw signs of “unhealthy relationships” but I always thought I could endure, change the situation or make it work.
Unfortunately for me, I had one very bad break up ( first time it would be from the guy), it was painful.
It was unbelievably a mixed form of shock-sweet memoirs-reality.
My emotions kept getting shattered from friends (betrayals, lack of care, and pretenders), parent (stated above), neighbours and people in my environs. I felt like the spotlight that was always persecuted.
At the age of 13, I stumbled on a porn movie and that was the beginning of more struggles.
My desire to know more and feel more increased hence my imagination became a tool for full blown porn movie.
Sexual abuse was so rampant as I kept running for my life but with silent lips.
God always stopped them from the major rape but they always made me their “sexual toy.”
From my guardians, lesson teacher, school mates, neighbours, relatives, friends, and admirers.
It started with my lesson teacher at 8 years old. I can’t remember if there were some before then.
He always warned me not to tell anyone if not, he would punish me. He had his way of taking me to a corner.
Men wanted to sleep with me. Ladies wanted me too and that was how lesbianism took its toll.
It looked normal and I even fantasised about it when I saw no one.
I felt romance was better than having sex so it became a way to please my exes but I was fooling myself.
Mere staring at a lady or man meant I was screening their bodies. It was that bad.
My sexual languages were high as I could boldly say any swear words.
Masturbation was my way out of sex, so I thought too, until the burden to stop it started.
Later on, I realised I had been deep into the wrong ways and I needed a way out.
All this while, I saw myself as a mistake on this earth. I felt God hated me and I deserved nothing more.
I was already helping people with relationships but I was battling with sexual issues. I needed help.
I cried to God, I sought for materials. I failed many times but I kept trying.
A friend who got raped by a guy who planned to do the same to me too went ahead to report her case to her mother, but she lied that I was the one that got raped and they spread this around the environment without my knowledge.
It took me 4 years to find out about the indirect stigma from my mother who was told. That was cruel.
So many things just confirmed that God hated me but I was wrong. He was holding me all along.
I needed to change the meanings attached to those representations I had about sexual related stuffs.
I had to take a journey to the root cause and began to find out more. Not easy but the unconscious mind can remember all.
Most of the times, the temptation came when I was depressed or sad, my way out was: masturbation.
That means that many times, we are deep into a lot of addiction trying to sort it out without finding out the real cause.
It’s necessary to take a mind journey into the past and observe the present. Deliverance won’t do that for you.
So I learnt that in order to conquer my world, I would need to learn how to control my mind.
Self awareness for me was the first step into a journey of self mastery.
Mind you, understanding it now doesn’t mean I don’t get tempted, it means I always have to be on guard.
It was worse because I’m visual and audio digital. I sight things easily and it creates new imaginations for me.
Anything from sound, pictures, touches and more can stimulate me. More reasons why I need to always be on guard.
Aside for the struggles, I also was interested in helping people at some point.
I started blogging on relationships. I wanted an avenue to share and release all in me but I still struggled.
Meeting lots of great minds helped me to grow. Your efforts are changing lives.
I was never proud of myself. Kept comparing myself with people and friends. That’s a very bad place to be.
Understanding the dynamics of leadership gave me the ability to work on myself.
I finally shared with my partner who made sure he worked on me till I stopped.
After a long while, I started my new blog – http://www.relationshipcapsules.com – and so many other things came up.
I remember a time during service, I made bulletins and magazines for people to read. Raising the money was hard.
I faced lots of rejection in the process but I kept going on. I really don’t know how but my drive came from God is.
I was mostly a leader in the church, fellowship and more but I kept my personal struggles to myself.
Now, when I see people digest every music, movie, magazine and the likes, I wish I could tell them all the effects it would have on them.
I cried plenty times. I tried to kill myself plenty times. I regretted being born but God was standing by me.
People kept saying I was strong but I had no choice to be. I’m proud of all I have been through. I laugh at them now.
I have successfully helped people with unhealthy relationships and sexual issues. To me, I just started.
I really want to help lots of people and that would start with a mindset makeover. It’s necessary.
No matter what you are going through, there is always a way out at the end. Seek for help and be intentional.
Don’t give up on yourself. That story would make history one day. You would stand to help others shine as a light.
Too much to share but let me pause here. Thank you.
Nike can be followed on Twitter here. She has a free platform on Whatsapp where she teaches and helps people. To join the platform, please send your name and phone number to firstname.lastname@example.org